What Choice Do You Have?

It’s the beginning of a new year, and winter is in full swing here in Georgia, at least, what we call winter here in the South. All around town, the oak and maple trees are bare, their limbs reaching toward the winter sky, absent the luscious leaves and blooms that adorn them during the more amiable seasons. The nights are chilly, hosting brilliant stars that light up cold, clear skies. But even now, the days are mild, boasting sunshine warm enough to beckon us outdoors.

There is always a feeling of anticipation in the air during this time of year. The new year brings with it hope and anticipation for what is to come, and, often, a renewed sense of purpose. With so much that was so wrong with last year for so many, we now find ourselves making plans that will surely make this year better. For some of us, it’s a chance to repair and replace all that has been broken and missing. While for others, it’s a time to re envision where we’re going, to complete what we’ve started, or, perhaps, to start over anew.

But whatever direction we choose, this new year is a blank canvas waiting for us to provide the pallet with which we will paint our story. And for many of us, that means painting a whole new picture. The prospect of change can bring a feeling of excitement, but it can also be unsettling and, sometimes, mean making choices and decisions that aren’t easy to make.

Not long ago, I had a conversation with a brave woman I will call Kelly. Kelly lives on the east coast, not far from Georgia, and last year, just as the leaves were beginning to fall from the trees, Kelly found herself unsure of her direction. After cancelling their ceremony due to the pandemic during the spring, she and her fiancé decided to postpone their wedding indefinitely. And by the end of the summer, she was considering shutting down her small business and moving on.

“Everything is different now. My business is struggling, and I’m not sure if we will wind up getting married. Maybe that’s for the best. I need to look at my options, but I’m not sure what to do.”

In the midst of our conversations, Kelly sent me something particularly compelling. It was a post written by Avantika Malik that appeared on Twitter last year, and which, apparently, caused a bit of a stir. This is what it said:

“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”

My first reaction after reading these words was to think how true they sounded. But then I began to wonder, is this really how we see the world and everything we experience? Does our life consist of days and months and years and moments faced with one hard decision after another? Are we simply moving from one difficult struggle to the next?

And if this is, indeed, the case, is this idea that everything is an uphill battle the reason we get stuck and stay there?

I believe we all desire and deserve happiness and fulfillment, and to feel loved and valued and validated, and to be heard and understood. But so often, throughout our life, we find ourselves in situations we never thought we’d be in, sometimes feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, or even frightened of what might or might not be coming next.

But changing where we are or where we’re headed, even when we feel it’s the right thing to do, is seldom easy. Often, we get mired down in the worry and wondering, to the point where, sometimes, we wind up not moving at all. That is where Kelly says she is now.

“You turn around one day and suddenly everything you were sure of has been undone. What do you do? I’m afraid to make a mistake because of how long it took me to fix my last mistake. I know I have to start over, but I have no idea how to do that.”

So many of us find ourselves in this same place at some point in our lives, and it makes me wonder, if we are faced with so many obstacles and hard choices along our way, how are we supposed to choose the right one?

Some time ago, I had an enlightening conversation with someone who is one of my very favorite people. If you knew Angela and her story, you would be as in awe of her as I am. Something she said to me a while back struck me and has been rolling around in my head ever since.

As a single mother and a business owner, my friend is not a stranger to challenges and change. She has seen more than her share. But some years ago, in the midst of life changing events, and when faced with decisions which would alter not only her own future but that of the one person she loves most dearly, her son, she decided to approach things in a different manner.

She didn’t make a list and weigh the pros and cons of her choices. She didn’t consider which was easier, took less time, less risk, less courage, or had less chance of failure.

Instead, she took a look at where she was, envisioned where she wanted to be, and then, rather than trying to change circumstances over which she had little control, she decided, instead, to change the one thing she knew she could.

“I had to decide what my new reality was going to look like. And when I did that, I realized I had to reinvent myself.”

Since that time, Angela admits, she has been reinventing herself on a regular basis. Over and over and over again. And while that process can be scary and uncertain, it has also become exciting because she knows something new and better is always on its way.

I love the concept of reinventing ourselves. I can’t help but think that is what we’re supposed to do, and that, throughout our lifetime, we are meant to be constantly changing and learning and evolving and growing. Perhaps some things, people, places, and situations are not meant to be permanent. And maybe, sometimes, following down the same path simply because it’s where we started will lead us to looking around one day and realizing we are not where we want to be.

I think we are meant to embrace change, rather than fear it. Everything around us is changing at every moment, the tides, the moon, the universe, the stars, the planets, everything is in constant motion. Perhaps we are meant to be the same. If we look around one day and realize we are not on the right path, then perhaps we need to be willing to re envision something new for ourselves. Sometimes, that means changing our goals, our actions, and our direction. And sometimes, it may mean simply changing our perspective.

I am a firm believer that we can promote positive change in our life at any moment simply by changing our thoughts. If we want something different, then we have to be willing to move in a different direction, even if that means cultivating new ideas, or examining our current beliefs, or simply choosing to see something or someone in a new light. Including ourselves.

One of the most self-sabotaging things we can do to ourselves is to stay rooted in our past and not allow ourselves a clean slate. We do not have to carry all of the painful moments from the previous days into our future. We can let go of past mistakes and missteps, and trials and troubles. We can leave behind our past failures and past heartache and the moments when we were at less than our best. And we need not define ourselves by where we have been or who we once were. Each and every day is a new day, and we can see ourselves in the same way.

If there is one thing that is certain, it is that while change may be necessary to take us from where we are to where we want to be, it isn’t easy. I’m weary of motivational speakers who tell us to set our minds and just get to it, and that we’ll be better off when we do. As if changing our life, even if for the better, should be a simple thing. It isn’t. There is no easy fix, no switch to flip, no magic wand. And it doesn’t happen overnight.

But if we do want to make a change, we have to start somewhere. And no matter where we start, or where we want to end up, even the smallest step is a step in the right direction.

So, if you feel like you started this new year in pretty much the same place you were in at this time last year, it’s okay. Today is a new day. You’re doing a great job.

And if you find you have the same goals you did a year ago, because you made less than stellar progress over the previous three hundred and sixty-five days, I’m right there with you.

And if you do find you have to make a choice this year, maybe this is the year you decide to choose the version of yourself that brings you happiness.

Perhaps pick the version of yourself that leads you to growth, wisdom, love, and renewal and steers you away from regret, anger, hatefulness, and bitterness.

Choose the you that brings you freedom, the freedom to be who you are, do what you love, and feel what you feel.

Maybe, as you look into the new year and ponder where you want to go from here, you might consider that it’s not about choosing one weighty path over another. Maybe the question you might want to ask yourself is not, what will I do next? But rather, who do I want to be now?

So, if you have to make a choice, choose peace, balance, kindness, and grace. And maybe this year, choose the path that makes you fall in love, over and over again, with life, and with yourself.

M.C. Greene

Thank you, Kelly, for telling me and trusting me with your story. I think you are amazing.

Thanks to my dear friend for being a constant source of inspiration. You are a force to be reckoned with.

This lovely photo was taken by Olga Yastremska.

P.S. What Is Your Intent?