A Question Of Grace

One day last week, The Greatest Kid On The Planet came home from school and told me about a safety drill they had practiced in his classroom. I struggled to keep my expression neutral as my eleven-year-old described the steps he was instructed to take in the event of a “lockdown”. Even then, he asked why I had a strange look on my face. I can’t tell him that every morning I drop him off at the curb in front of his school, and, after wishing him a good day, I drive away and say a prayer.

Recent tragic events have spawned numerous conversations and debates throughout every corner of our country questioning every belief and conviction from religion to politics and all else in between. For the most part, I’ve steered clear of the arena. However, I recently found myself in the midst of one of these conversations which caused me to question one of my own convictions, that being the belief that every person deserves grace.

When I say grace, I’m not referring to forgiveness. Most of us have been taught to forgive others for misdeeds, not because we condone whatever was done, but because we understand that letting go of past hurts helps us find peace.

And I am not referring to godly grace. I will not debate my, or anyone else’s, religious beliefs, as I believe those are choices every person must make for themselves.

Rather, when I speak of grace, I’m referring to the grace that we, as human beings, give to one another as fellow inhabitants on this tiny planet as we all go hurling through space together.

Grace, in this manner, is the acceptance that we’re all imperfect beings living in an imperfect world, and that, at some time or another, we all make mistakes. But we realize that, for the most part, we all have good intentions, even when those intentions sometimes go wrong.

For myself, I believe grace is always a better choice than bitterness, and everyone is deserving of grace. However, during this recent conversation, a good friend posed a question which caused me to examine my belief from a different perspective.

Is everyone, truly, deserving of grace? What of a person whose actions are particularly horrific? Is there ever a time when grace is simply not possible? Or, in the name of grace, does every person deserve a pass? With so many in our country wrestling through grief and sorrow, this seems a particularly hard question to answer.

Perhaps, as my friend pointed out, it’s easy to stick to the belief that every person deserves grace when you’ve never been in the position of having to give grace. It’s true, we’ve all said or done things we wish we could reverse. But for those who’ve had their lives irreparably split apart and forever altered by the brutal acts of another, the question of grace is something different altogether.

With this in mind, is the conviction that everyone deserves grace simply presuming those who have endured the unthinkable should do the impossible?

Some time ago, I found myself in the midst of a situation with an individual over a matter for which all parties shared blame. Rather than approach me, this person decided to show ill will toward The Greatest Kid. The actions directed at my child were purposely hurtful and cruel, and I found I was, literally, stunned. To me, there is no justification for hurting a child, and the ability to show complete indifference to a ten-year-old is something I find myself unable to fathom.

As it is, it’s been some time, and I bear no ill will, for The Greatest Kid and I are both peaceful. However, when my friend asked whether I would extend this party grace, I found I was unable to answer. I hold firm we all make mistakes and sometimes act out of hurt or anger, and in these cases, grace is always the answer. But when faced with another’s desire to intentionally inflict harm on the weak or the innocent, this is where I, and so many others, stumble.

When contemplating the question put forth, I found all I could muster was a deep sense of pity for this person and their ability to act in such a horrible manner, and while this is not the same as grace, I admit, it’s the best I could do.

The situation I encountered is but a mere shadow in comparison to what others have endured. While some may question whether true evil exists, we’ve all seen there are those capable of unspeakable things. With this in mind, the question of giving grace seems inverted. Should we not, instead, be giving grace to those who have suffered?

Knowing how I feel about the senseless acts toward my son, my heart aches for those whose lives have been torn apart by another. For those of us touched by these events from afar, maybe the real meaning of grace is something we can never conceive. And even as imperfect beings in an imperfect world, perhaps none of us was ever meant to.

I don’t have an answer to the question my friend asked: does everyone, truly, deserve grace? Maybe, at the end of the day, it’s because grace was never our job to begin with. In the midst of our imperfections, maybe it’s enough if we can still find it in ourselves to look for the good in others. And in this way, maybe, for all of us, there will still be forgiveness and peace. I still believe we should try to give grace when possible, but when it’s not, perhaps we should try showing grace to ourselves; and for those of us for whom grace is too soul wrenching to ponder, perhaps we should hope for healing instead.

And maybe, for all our sakes, we will one day find a way to put an end to the suffering, and then we can leave the question of grace where it belongs. For any and all whose lives have been touched by the unthinkable, I pray you find solace, strength, healing, and peace.

M.C. Greene